I want to heal, but I don’t know how.
Should I name his name? [How will it serve?]
Was it my fault? Did I provoke, as he said I did, with my clothes, my beautiful hair, my growing breasts?
Dear Gd, please help me. I don’t know what to do.
Take a breath now, breathe in 1,2,3, and breathe out 1,2,3,4.
You are here, now, in this moment, not ‘that’ moment. You are safe. Say the words to yourself, “I am ok. I am safe. Here and Now. In this moment, I am safe.”
Turning towards the chill, the fear, the evil may haunt you. But can it help you? Only you know the answer. It is not necessary to look it in the face and relive the pain, the agony. It is only necessary to go in, go deep, find the child who is suffering. See her. Put your warm, loving, compassionate arms around the child. Just be quiet together until she stops shaking. This may take many tries, or it may take only once. Can you feel the safe warmth? Can you feel the intensity of love encircling you? The souls will meld, in safety, in warmth, in love. Breathe now, go deeper.
Go to the before time. Before, when you were free. Before, when you were whole. Before, when you were happy, innocent. Can you see her? Can you feel her spirit? Take the arms of the hurting one and put them around the happy one. Breathe. Can you feel the happy one encircling you with her arms of joy, of innocence, of love?
Can the happy one, the one who is free from pain, can she heal the other from the pain? You are she. You are the pain. You are the joy. You are the wise. You are the now. It is all you. Breathe now. Go deeper.
Do a body scan, start with the ground beneath your feet, the profound spirit of Mother Earth supporting you. Go up, feel your feet, feel your strong legs supporting you, feel your hips, your womanhood -it is beautiful and safe; feel your core-strong, straight-feel your heart, square your shoulders, loosen your neck, stand tall, feel proud. Now, allow the energy, the ball of fire that has been building to shoot up through your crown, up and out towards the sky, out into the new world that is now yours. The world is yours. It is not his.
Breathe again, now. Come back. Feel your feet grounded on the earth below, open your eyes, look out a window to see that the earth still turns. You are free. Breathe again. Turn your lips up in a knowing smile. Control is yours. Let fear and hatred go.
susan axelrod, 2017