The Confidence Coach Susan L. Axelrod

∞ In loving memory of Dr. Howard M. Axelrod ∞

Dr. Howard Michael Axelrod passed away on November 20, 2022. He was the beloved son of Saul and Muriel (Goldenberg) Axelrod. He is survived by those who loved him most, his life partner Susan, his daughters Rebecca and Sarah, his brothers Matthew Axelrod (Tali) and Robert Axelrod, his in-laws, Anne Lowenthal, Michael Lowenthal (Linda), Laura Lowenthal Bly (Bill) and his nieces and nephews Judah, Josh, Ben, Sadie, Alexandra, and Zac, his Uncle and Aunt, Lenny and Gloria Goldenberg and his cousins Mark and Judy Arnold, Harriet Wallen, Phyllis Wald, Cheryl Andler, Elizabeth Arnold, and Michael Arnold. And by his dearest friends Ted and Kristen Neary, Ron and Robin Scharf, and his other ‘sister,’ Deborah Friedson. He was a loving son-in-law to Arthur and Terry Lowenthal and he was respected and admired by colleagues with whom he worked for decades.

Howard, known as Howie to family and friends, grew up in Beverly, MA. His family’s membership at Temple B’nai Abraham and his early education at Hillel Academy laid the groundwork for his own lifelong commitment to the practices and rituals of his Jewish faith. Trained as a teen by congregant Sam Weinberg to be a service leader, Howard spent the rest of his days sharing his spiritual devotion to Jewish ritual practice, leading services, teaching children, blowing shofar, being a High Holy Days Cantorial Soloist, and doing weddings, funerals and leading Shiva minyans. Over a lifetime of this work, thousands were touched by his stirring voice and soulful conveyance of Jewish liturgy. He will be forever remembered by anyone who ever heard him ‘daven.’

Howard knew early in his life that he wanted to be a psychologist. He received his BS from UMASS, his MS from Northeastern, and his Ph.D. from SUNY Albany. Along the way, it became clear that working with children was his passion. He had a perpetual boyish soul and children and young people related to him, confided in him and he loved them all. From a child in a cart in a supermarket to the mistreated children who crossed his thresholds, he made them feel at ease and was devoted to their soul-wellness to help them make their way in life in safety. He honored and respected them, listened to them, played with them, and lifted them up to live well lives.

Becoming Dr. Howard M. Axelrod in 1991 was a crowning achievement that started a lifetime of defining work. He started immediately as a Licensed Psychologist in Private Practice, soon joining Psychological Services in Saratoga Springs, NY. There, under the tutelage of Dr. Jerry Grodin, and in consort with his dearest friend, Dr. Casey Everett, he provided therapy to individuals, children, and families, touching the lives of people that will last for generations. He continued this work until shortly before he died, exactly as he had always intended. His early career included a brief start at the Albany VA and 5 years at the Saint Anne Institute for girls. There, he experienced difficult stories in the lives of children that dug deep into his heart and stayed with him for life. He spent 22 years with the Capital District Psychiatric Center specializing in work with children and adolescents. And 17 years traveling to the North Country twice monthly as the Consulting Psychologist for Hamilton County working with children and families, and supporting colleagues there whom he called heroes. Also, he was dedicated to the work he did for Public Safety Psychology for 20 years.

His role as the Albany Medical Center Internship Clinical Supervisor was a highlight of his career. For more than two decades, he listened to interns share with him and quietly asked questions to encourage intuition rising and commitment to training. He received countless notes from interns turned psychologists for his role in their education and training. Training, in-service, teaching, and personal mentoring were hallmarks of Howard’s career. With humor, insight, education, and intuition he shared his love for the craft and the world is a bit better for those who learned from him. Every story he was ever told by a patient or colleague about the frailty of human existence burrowed deep into his heart and he held them there.

But by far, the most important role of his life was husband to Sue and dad to Rebecca and Sarah. Howie and Sue met in 1982, married in 1987, and with the many bumps and bruises of a lifetime together, loved each other until the end. Being dad to Rebecca and Sarah was the thing that he cherished most. Howard suffered difficulties at the end of his life but his legacy of love for his family, for children, and for the mental wellness of others will never be forgotten by any who knew him. Remembrances found below. Tribute opportunity:

Remembrances shared by others:

Hi Susan, You don't know me, so I hope you don't mind that I am reaching out to you. I am so shocked and saddened to hear about Howard's passing. I worked with him for at Crossroads Day Treatment for many years. He was so much fun we were always busting on each other, especially about the Boston Red Socks and NY Yankees...lol (I'm a NY fan). I just want you to know that he was highly regarded at Crossroads by everyone who worked with him..he was a great guy. Crossroads was the best time/place to work in my 26 years at Questar, Howard made it so much fun (even when we were in a restraint) he made me laugh..that sounds terrible lol. He was a really great guy/coworker. Please know that you and your family will be in my prayers, Take care. W.R.

Howie was a beloved and respected part of our community. I know I will remember and love him for the music, humor and joy he brought us. A.M.

We are so upset to hear about Howie. We remember all the wonderful times we spent together and his voice during high holiday services still resonates in my ear. Our hearts go out to you and the girls. Please accept our prayers. Fondly, S.B.

I worked with Howard for several yrs at St Anne’s and then CDPC. He taught me so much about the field and I will forever be grateful for his mentorship. One of my favorite memories of the two of you was at my wedding and you two were the stars of the dance floor. I have so many memories that he and I shared. L.A.

I grew up in Beverly knowing the Axelrod boys, they were always very kind and as a young girl I looked up to them. I always loved the High Holidays and as grew, I led the youth services as a young teen; but Howard’s shofar blowing was always the best. P.S.

This is absolutely beautiful. Howie was a good soul. I'm going to miss waving hello as we walk by or he drives by the house. A.S.

We are heartbroken to hear about Howie. We all recall the fond memories of the girls, playing/coaching basketball and all the other get-togethers throughout the years. May the good memories sustain you all through this difficult time. May he rest in peace, love you! A.L.

First, I am so sorry for your loss. I knew Howie a bit in high school. I think he was a senior and of course, he had the lead of Horace Vandergelder in Hello Dolly. He was confident, so funny, talented and, really cute! I was just one of his many fans, and admired him from afar. I remember him being inclusive of everyone and bringing us all in on the jokes. I was just one of the many younger kids, but he made an impression on me and I know many others. S.C.

So sorry to hear about Howie, it comes as great shock, and great sadness.  I always looked up to Howard as you both had big girls while we were just getting started. Howard was a great first baseman - when I threw to him from third, I knew it better be on target!  May he rest in peace and his memory be a blessing for many. E.M.

I always found much to admire in Howie from the time we first met in Jerusalem, and I always admired his vocals in Temple or in family homes, as well as his sense of humor. That is how I will remember him. R.E.

Will always remember Howie’s beautiful voice & how much you both contributed to our CAA family. E.S.

It was clear that your love for one another continued and will continue for eternity. We are so sorry for your family’s loss as well as Rebecca’s and Sarah’s as well as our family’s. Our families were one and we will mourn for eternity as well. The world has lost a beautiful soul and we will miss him terribly. R.S.

We send our condolences to you and your family. We will miss his voice and his humor. May his memory be for a blessing. E.S.

So much love in that house! I remember from the first time we came to your house for Shabbat dinner. My kids were under 5. Incredible memories.We love all of you! Howie will be in our hearts forever! E.H.

My deepest sincere condolences to you and your entire family. I will always remember his beautiful cantorial voice during our Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services. I can still hear it in my mind and feel it in my heart. R.B.

We remember him with fondness. Thinking about you and your family. S.G.

I am so sorry to hear this about Howie - I remember him fondly and I know your connection through your history and your daughters. E.N.

Holding you and your family in my heart. You shared a great love. Beautiful to watch you two dance together. That is one of my fondest memories. Love you always and we remember Howie with beautiful stories of his great humor, cantorial skills, (I still hear his voice), deep friendship, and deeper hugs. May his memory be a blessing always. We are so sorry. D.F.

Deepest condolences to you, Becca and Sarah I’m so so sorry for your loss. I have many great childhood memories of endless after-school evenings and weekends spent at the dinner table with you 4. Sending you ladies all my love and hugs during this difficult time. J.G.

This makes me so sad. I have fond memories of him from babysitting throughout those many years. I'm so sorry. Sending hugs to you, Rebecca, and Sarah. A.S.

Our hearts go out to you all. I have such sweet memories of Howie. A.A.

So sorry for your loss. I have great memories of Howie and the two of you. May you find strength in the love around you. May his memory be a blessing. H.R.

He was an amazing man and I have many fond memories of both in the synagogue and socially. C.K.

I will miss my friend but feel blessed that he was a part of my life for as long as he was. J.H.

May the memories of beautiful times wrap around you like a warm hug, those years meant something, those years were full of love, the good, the bad the ugly, but always full of love! You are right, Howie doesn’t want you or your girls to be so consumed with grief that you can not feel his current way of showing his love, allow grief in when it shows up; cry. Feel. Reflect but mostly hold tightly to those years of love and memories. K.H.

Howie was always the source of a smile or a laugh and I will always call him my "first baseman". Pain is temporary, love is forever. H.R.

This is a beautiful and beautifully-written tribute. What a gift he was to those whose lives he touched. T.B.

May he Rest In Peace! What a wonderful man… I wish I had known him, I think we would have much to chat about. His Obituary brought him to life Susan. He was lucky to have you. M.E.

I, too, remember Howie singing the High Holy Day services so beautifully and movingly at Congregation Agudat Achim. He was a wonderful man and will be sorely missed. C.D.

Beautiful tribute, Sue, and the pictures capture how I always think of Howie, what a great smile and laugh he had. E.E.

Heartbreaking that such a good man had to leave this life and all who loved him too soon. It's wonderful that he worked to help children. J.E.

A beautiful tribute to a man who sounds remarkable. E.D.

Such a beautiful, articulate way to honor Howard's life and memory. M.B.

You honored his life beautifully. I wish I could have known him. Condolences for your loss. J.L.

May his memory continue to be a blessing to all who knew and loved him. J.R.

What a beautiful remembrance. Bless Howard's wings as he soars freely now. Bless you and your daughter's hearts as you hold your beloved Howard ever so close. C.E.

May your memories of him always be a blessing in your life. My heartfelt condolences. E.J.

A beautiful tribute to a man who sounds remarkable. E.D.

Beautifully written- a tribute to a life well lived, written with love. S.H.

A truly beautiful representation of this beautiful soul. My heart is with you. K.E.

Perfectly written with love shining through. B.M.

Wonderful Susan. I, too, hear Howie's beautiful cantorial voice in the synagogue. B.W.

Hello, Sue and family. I am Ted's sister and I am so sorry for your loss. Howie meant the world to Ted and then Kris and family. Good thoughts at this sad time and as your future unfolds.

You are so right, Susan, Howie contributed a beautiful lasting legacy in his lifetime. And in this time of great loss when one feels so vulnerable, you expressed so kindly, tenderly, so clearly the essence of this man for all to see. You show what mature love really means…so thankful it touched both of your lives. God bless you as you go forward. May his memory be a blessing. B.K.

Howie meant a lot to me and I was devastated when I heard the news. I apologize for not reaching out sooner but my Mom was really sick during that time and she also passed within the last 2 months.
Howie was a real inspiration to me. His angelic voice when leading davening always made me feel spiritually uplifted. One Rosh Hashanah Morning when listening to him, he inspired me to learn a musical Friday night and Pezukei Dzimra service that I am now privileged to lead at the Shul. He was also the first one to give me the opportunity when he backed out of leading Friday services to allow me the chance. He was always so nice to me. Welcoming me to the Shul and as a new member of the ritual committee. He gave me the confidence to lead on Shabbat mornings letting me know that he enjoyed it and told me that when I was up on the bimah he could just relax. Coming from him it was an honor for sure. … Seeing Howie in Shul always brightened my day and made me feel like I belonged. I now lead some Shabbat morning services and am trying to help the congregation restart a twice monthly Kabbalat service, the one that Howie inspired me to learn. I hear his beautiful voice when I’m on the bimah and only wish I could convey the words and melody with his unique ability to do so. I am going to do my best to continue his legacy despite my shortcomings but with his memory in my mind and heart always. … Please tell your daughters that I adored their amazing father and that his memory will always be a blessing. A.H.

Last days. … Sharing here for those who have seen me stoically 'doing.' This morning, I sat on the porch we loved for 30 yrs; just 'being' and drinking coffee. And I sobbed. Oh, did we have some times on this porch. It was Howie's favorite place in all the world. We lived, loved, and fought, the wicker witness to it all.

This morning, I called on the souls of our 4 parents whom we both always loved. How many days over 30 yrs did any or all of them sit in the wicker, Howie and I so happy to have them there? #family I asked them to usher him in, in peace and love so that all who loved him could know he is well now.

Is any of it true? Does the soul stay with us? It does if you think it does. And I think it does. I feel him as I have from the first day After, in light that is so bright, and lightness of being, in true joy that is hard to describe. I see a big smile with his bright teeth and sense him everywhere at once, bringing love and healing to those he loved. Souls are lucky that they can do that, no?

Grief visits but it does not have to consume. Without a doubt, I can tell you, he does not want us to be consumed. But to live. In the mental wellness he dedicated his life's work to supporting in others. We could learn a lesson about bringing that mental wellness to ourselves, in real time, with real impact. I will live out my husband's #legacy in this way. Howie, I will love you forever. Sue

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