A New Dark Age?

Jews the world over are being tested. Challenged by Dark Forces as if anew.

But, it is not new. It is an energy as old as time, a Darkness our ancestors faced over and over. Slavery in Egypt, forced exodus, persecution, pogroms, holocaust, terrorism.

 Are our people alone in this human experience? No, we are not. Darkness has always been among us. Since the beginning of creation.

“And God said, Let there be light. God saw the light was good, and God separated the light from darkness. God called the light day, and the darkness He called night.” Gen 1:3-5.

 And thus, separation was created. And so, it has been since the beginning, Light and Darkness. And so, it is today, separateness. Jews feeling separate from others who don't understand them, elderly Jews who survived the ovens have dread in their hearts, and younger Jews feeling alone and scared, a tiny tribe in numbers and but an iota of a fraction in the vast territory where fearmongering is being perpetrated. How did this small nation, the speck of land in the entire region, come to be feared? So feared as to be attacked in the womb, the deepest place of foundational security, where men, women, children, and babies are formed, now being slaughtered in their homes.

 I've been taking measure of my own heart and soul space, laying low, being quiet (for me). Because feeling the ancestral dread is simply too much for me. I am weak when faced with the darkness, perhaps a new Dark Age rising in our day. And then, I use my ‘tools, my own method coming into CONSCIOUSNESS first, becoming aware of my fear, shallow breath, beating heart, mind foggy and unable to process the beheading of humans, acknowledging with despair all humanity on other continents who still today suffer these atrocities ongoing, ongoing, ongoing.

 The feelings could suffocate but they must be felt in order to heal the trauma of darkness. And I ask myself questions, What can I do? What do I need? What do I want? And this: Why? Why are these things important? Speaking out CLARITY for myself to come back into my body. And I answer myself: Because when I am in charge of my mind, heart, energy, and soul, I can light the way, perhaps only a speck of light in the darkness, but still, a small beacon for others to find. And with this, I grow more CONFIDENT--yes I can, I choose to be on the side of light, not bifurcating humanity but fusing, fusing, fusing through lovingly and patiently edifying and leading. And the light grows as others join me, it does. And we make our own small army of light so others can see, heads now rising up from the darkest fear, and joining up in strength, CALMLY and collectively marching forward, simply one step at a time. We call in the Light Teams of all Souls passed to support us, the angels, the energy, the wisdom of the ages, and we call in Love, to fuse this multicolored army of all people who want to stay in Enlightenment. It is the Calling of our time, the opportunity for greatness, fused not separate, on behalf of all humanity everywhere.

MY OWN BRIDGE CROSSINGS...on personal transformation

"Susan, how did you do it!? How did you become this new person, positive and calm all the time now?" These questions followed me for years after I made just one decision. One yearning thought led to a decision to change that sparked my own journey of exploration into a new way of being. That thought was: "I want to feel better, than this."

Following is a narrative of my journey crossing many Bridges. I share my story openly here to show you how I changed, how I see things and the Tools I use to help others feel better, than this-NOW.

On a personal note, I know the moment my journey began. It was April 19, 1995, the night of the Oklahoma bombing. I had already been growing to hate myself for the yelling, anxious, critical person I had become [I didn't realize what self-hate was then, now I know that I was hating on myself all the time]. Now, I realize that my soul was yearning to break free from that dark place. I fell into total darkness on that night watching a firefighter carry out a baby girl burned and broken from a daycare center; she was the same age as my baby girl on my lap. I sobbed in despair. And shifted. In my parlance today, I know it was a soul shift, but then I just knew I had to do something to become the person I wanted to be, though I didn't know what that was exactly. DO YOU HAVE A SENSE THAT YOU WANT TO BE SOMEONE DIFFERENT?

The first bridge I had to cross was Mocking Bridge. I had to crossover from being a person who mocked others who 'claimed' to be happy;  a person who derided others who used words like love and G-d and soul. It was a long journey and it wasn't easy to leave the old familiar Type A behind. "A" was a comfortable cloak I wore, wrapped around me like a warm blanket of perfection and superior thinking. Now I refer to it as the Cloak of Discomfort. GO IN FOR A MINUTE, DO YOU HAVE A CLOAK OF DISCOMFORT?

The next bridge I had to cross was Consciousness Bridge. Going in, seeing what was there, shedding, shedding, shedding the unwanted negative feelings always with the same thought: "I want to feel better, than this." The words in this thought are intentional. Not just 'I want to feel better,' but rather coming to consciousness of what I was feeling in a moment and just simply wanting, CHOOSING, to feel better than that, in that moment. That's all there is. IF YOU GO IN, NOW, AND FEEL DARKNESS, CAN YOU MAKE A CONSCIOUS EFFORT TO MOVE BEYOND THAT BAD FEELING TO FEELING JUST A LITTLE BETTER; JUST HERE AND NOW, JUST IN THIS MOMENT?

The next bridge that revealed itself to me was Resource Bridge. Having always been the resource to others, and having developed complete self image around that persona, it was hard for me to cross that bridge. I credit my sister, Laura, for leading me to that bridge. I allow myself credit for opening my mind and being brave enough to cross it. There are millions of Tools available to anyone who wants to feel better today. I worked at it until I found the tools that worked for me: the Power of Thought, Coming to Consciousness, Positivity, Reframe, Finding my Heart, Breathing, Mind-Body Connection, Affirmations, Repetition, Baby Steps, Writing, and Prayer. DO YOU EVEN REALIZE THERE ARE TOOLS OUT THERE THAT CAN HELP YOU BE HOW YOU WANT TO BE? CHOOSE ANY ONE, START NOW.

So what happened next?

I left the Crosswalk of Blame and found the Bridge of Responsibility. I was lashing out blaming everyone who was in my path, well, mostly my husband-who has been with me on my life-journey for about thirty years. I yearned to offer love to him, to our daughters and to others, and in the end I learned that I needed to start with taking Responsibility for my feelings [that was fun, the Pool of Feelings is a whole other story], and to accept the Four Agreements [Don Miguel Ruiz, talk about Repetition-it took me years to finally realize the power of that tiny book]. Why take Responsibility? Because that brings it all back into your control. As long as I blamed others for my mess--it was something 'they' were doing, not 'me'--then it was all out of my control, and of course out-of-control. I lived in an internal mass of out-of-control chaos that I felt I couldn't do anything about. Responsibility was hard because it meant I had to accept that I wasn't perfect [WHAT?]. And I can tell you THAT felt BAD. I think that's when I really started my deepest yearning of 'I want to feel better, than this.' Taking Responsibility, I asked myself 'What can I do about that?' As I practiced two Tools in particular--the Power of Thought/REFRAME and incorporating Positivity in every way into my life--and with Laura's continued love and support, and feeling how it felt to feel better [bad syntax, true phrase], I slowly got to the other side. Now, everything is 100% in my control. I take Responsibility for everything in my life [even when I have my human moments and lapse or fail], I have and hold a Positive outlook, and I honestly, really do feel good almost all of the time. DO YOU FIND YOURSELF BLAMING OTHERS FOR THINGS, OFTEN? DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF SAYING 'IT IS WHAT IT IS?'

....what if it's not?

As I found and used Tools that I could integrate into my Consciousness, I discovered the last bridge, the Bridge of Love. This bridge was a rope bridge. The kind you see swinging silently in the breeze over a lush canyon. It is tantalizing, but when you start across, it sways, leaving you unsettled and unsure. Should I continue on it? Or should I go back to safety? Gingerly placing one foot in front of the other, holding onto the Rails of Positivity, taking Baby Steps, I grew more Confident as I crossed it. I found my Heart along the way and learned what it meant to love myself. Once I passed that place, I moved forward faster loving everyone around me, trusting my heart, and landing in the Field of Joy [the greatest Tool of all]. For me, standing in the Field of Joy represents a success that I had been yearning for as long as I could remember. I wanted to be 'that' or go 'there' or do 'this.' When I landed squarely in the Field of Joy, I finally accepted the success I had already created, and just appreciated that. That's all there is, Now. Living in THAT moment all the time brings you continued success, one moment at a time.

NOTE: Are there more Bridges to cross? Certainly. Now, I look for Bridges and risk crossing them knowing the journey is about the beauty of living, of experiencing. I may thrive, I may fail, but along the way I'm committed to being grounded in self, being available to my family and being true to my purpose, helping others find the extraordinary pleasure of getting and being truly OK, and then helping our world using the lens of Philanthropy, love of humankind.

Freedom From Your Slavery, the Opportunity of a Lifetime

Passover, 2020.

Weird. It's all weird. And hard.

As I sit here writing, I'm smelling Passover. It's not just the aroma in my mind, it's actual smells wafting up from our kitchen where my husband is hard at work almost 'as if' we'll have everyone here tonight, coming together in person to tell the story of the exodus. But this year, that whole 'exodus thing' has a new meaning for me. Is it an ironic twist of fate for the pandemic to be coinciding w/Passover? Or, rather, the penultimate offering, an opportunity to go in, go deep; to reflect on life as I've created it to be. In the current normal of isolation, perhaps an opportunity to consider my role, my part in a greater good, my personal impact that we now know literally has global ramifications. Is it just about the pandemic, the virus infecting nation after nation? Or could it be other things, too? Could there be other ways-positive ways-that I, personally, could impact civilization today?

But in order to do, perhaps, it is incumbent that we explore our own personal slavery, explore the ties that may keep us bound up and struggling. What if....

What if this is an opportunity to consider our own personal exodus? To consider what holds me back from fleeing? And this: using the analogy of 'bread not having the time to rise,' what if we are being offered an opportunity~this year unlike any other year~to explore: "Have I held myself back from rising?" What is the 'bread' of my life? What would it look like if I gave it time to rise? Perhaps, this extraordinary year of 2020, we can extrapolate 40 years crossing the dry dissonant desert down to 40 days...that would be May 18, 2020. After your personal crossing of the desert, how might you emerge on May 18? It will be full-on Spring around our country. By then, will we be meeting up in person, hugging and holding each other fiercely for having missed the opportunity to do? We shall see. 

In the meantime, consider: can it be your personal Spring? Is this the time to reflect, to discard physical, mental and emotional baggage to quickly flee slavery and run toward your own freedom? The freedom of your enslaved body, mind and spirit-in this life free to be who you really wanted to be, free to do what you really wanted to do, free to act in the way that only you can give yourself permission to do? If I've learned nothing else from the march of this pandemic person-to-person across the globe, I've learned that what each and every one of us does, matters. And tonight, during the Passover seder celebrated 'alone and together,' we have the opportunity to tell the story again; and to see ourselves with the opportunity to be personally delivered from our own 'egypt.'

[written with appreciation to Nechama Wasserman Laber for teaching me and for sharing her wisdom, and to Katherine Englebardt for her upcoming book 6 Pathways to Personal Freedom, due out 2020]

Your gift for the asking, a free journaling page for your Jewish soul. Contact me directly at susan@confident-life.com and I’ll email the pdf, with love. Susan 

Entreaty For Our Time

Progress or regress? Life got too busy, too chaotic; too much. Leaders reduced to power mongering, workers stressed beyond human limits, families stretched beyond patience and love, children over-scheduled and burdened into obesity, depression even suicide. The richest in the world lived high and kept it to themselves while the poorest died in the streets. Religious leaders abused their flocks, organized religion crumbled. Human sensibility dimmed and the earth suffered.

Modern day, or pre-1789 France? Were we actually in the best of times? Are we in the worst of times, yet? Yes and no, no and yes. From nearly the beginning of recorded time, there is evidence of gain and loss, strength and weakness, hubris and humility. Will there ever be a time in human history when this is not so? Perhaps, if in the future humans become genetically integrated with robotic circuits that dull emotions and create a false sense of ‘stable’ mental outlook. Until that time, with incalculable passion we rail, we cry, we shout and fight, we laugh and we love. Until that time, we emote from the deepest place of power we were given, the Soul.

What is it that is happening in the world today? Is it an ‘unseen foe,’ lack of preparation and selfish leadership by those in power or a long, slow decline of concern about humanity and the earth? Looking for an enemy is the human response, blaming others for everything is the go-to for most; it always has been. ‘Not my fault’ becomes ‘not my problem’ and as such, Soul-the greatest concern of all that is-suffers and goes in deep, down into the darkest recesses of consciousness. When the Soul is shuddering and shuttered, the human vessel is then permitted to live as it wants, in self-orientation, with total lack of consideration for ‘other’ or for the greater good of humanity and of our earth. And darkness reigns. Then, sadness, depression, despair, anxiety and fear propel up, out and swirl around each human and throughout the universe.

But there is light

If you can catch your breath, if you can stretch out your body and quiet your mind for just a moment, if you can clear your head, open your eyes, then you can see the beauty still around you. Look for it. It’s in the earth that our Mother renews annually in spring, buds sprouting through the cold earth. It’s in the human race that the Divine deems worthy to continue no matter what, babies still being born. You see it in the stories of the mundane, of one person reaching out to another; of a child’s delight, of an elder sharing wisdom gleaned and gained with a younger. Of humans connecting over the internet checking in with relationships formerly forgotten or neglected. 

You see it in a city cheering on the heroes on the front line of today, in the suburbs where neighbors out walking see, as if for a first-time, other neighbors. You see it in women paying their stylists and cleaners now for future visits that may not happen. You see it in tens of thousands of workers volunteering their skills to help and support others. You see it in the water in Venice, clear and blue for the first time in generations. You see it in severely reduced emissions and pollution. The earth, renewing; humanity responding.

An entreaty for all time

Ask yourself the still-relevant age-old entreaty first put to us two thousand years ago: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” (on self-care, putting on your oxygen mask first) and then: “If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” (on consideration of humanity and taking action). [Rabbi Hillel, c. 110 BCE–10 CE]

The follow-up question to consider, the entreaty for our time is this: “Who do I want to be and how do I want to be; what can I do?” This simple question asked over and over by humans throughout the world can help turn on the light that dispels darkness. It is the ultimate control, in your control. Each and every one taking personal responsibility for humanity and the earth. Activating your brain by asking this simple question, activating your heart by taking action will fuel your Soul’s Rise. As Soul rises, growing light will dispel the darkness. Start with loving your self more, move quickly from self to other, love others without judgment, find faith and community that supports and you will feel rejoined with humanity; being the light that is needed in our time.

Susan Lowenthal Axelrod is a momma, writer, coach, and speaker showing by example that truly anyone can lead today. Take the reins of your own life and act, now and lead others to the light. www.whatwillyourlegacybe.com | susan@confide

The Army of Change

Are you feeling invisible? Are you feeling that your middle-aged self, your body, your face, even your mind are not valued by those around you, possibly even the people in your own family? I see this sentiment expressed repeatedly in social media discussion threads of large women's groups. I can see these groups have become a lifeline for many. A safe space to ask embarrassing questions, to share feelings and emotions about this time of life where, blessedly, judgment is usually limited and love is often abundant. As such, I read endless comments from women in midlife feeling unvalued and unseen. In my coaching work with women in the second half of life, I hear similar sentiments.

After a recent experience supporting my 91-year-old father in rehabilitation at a nursing home, I just want to scream. I feel rage building inside, barely able to contain. Stop whining! Stop complaining about being unseen and see yourself! You are stellar in every way. You are vital, smart, and beyond the worry of other’s opinions. You have skills and life experience to share and can impact our world in ways beyond your imagination. And, the stakes are high.

Stop whining! Stop complaining. Each and every one of us must get to work. Right now, the time is now. It is not hyperbole to say the stakes are higher than ever. The world is literally melting from climate change and we are worried about not being seen by men when we walk into a car dealership?

See yourself! Value yourself more. Accept and embrace your unique value proposition as a woman who can nurture, manage, and accomplish. Isn't that exactly what you've done for decades? Accomplished more than you could have imagined, caring for self, families, pets, work, church, community, partners, parents, and more!

See yourself for who you are, now. Each and every one of us must step outside our comfort zone if that's what it takes. Get clear and confident of your own skills and abilities and walk into any agency that serves, present yourself, and get to work as a volunteer. If you need paid work, then get your resume in order, cross-train with others, get comfortable speaking your message, realize the transference of your skills and confidently charge the value of your worth. We must do this and we must persist, no matter what! We have decades ahead of us to create change that is desperately needed for our children and grandchildren’s healthy future.

We must step outside our comfort zone. We must see ourselves and stop waiting to be seen by anyone else. We must come out from behind our curtains of shame because our bodies are expanding or our faces are wrinkled. We must expose ourselves for the skills and talents we have, beyond the ability for others to understand. Let them underestimate us. Let us be the army of change. Let us stand up, see ourselves, get seen and heard and fight. We must, the time is now.

I am a Healer

I used to feel worried and anxious about time passing. I had so much I wanted to do and accomplish that perseverated in my mind but it constantly clashed and conflicted with the life obligations and responsibilities I felt that seemed mundane; I yearned to be in the sacred. In that period of my life, I felt like I was under water with debris floating on the surface bumping and crashing together and preventing me from coming up for air, “What about me, what about me, what about me?”

When I think back now, I can feel the cold, murky dank closing in around me. I can feel the word “Help” on my lips, long and drawn-out, as I sink. But then, I just called that life. “It's just my way” I used to say to myself and others. I used to wonder, “Why didn't anyone help me? Why didn't anyone really see me drowning? Why didn't anyone take my hand and help me rise?”

Today, I know the answer. It has been and continues to be revealed to me daily: “Through your struggle, you fought. From your struggle, you rose. Because of your struggle, your hand is offered. Easily, you reach to others; plunging your hand down into the dark, cold water, swiping aside the debris, finding fingers, clasping the hand and pulling up. You connect soul-to-soul. And you help heal, offering others soul-connection. This is your healing; you are a Healer.”

It has taken me years, hundreds of hours, thousands of minutes, millions of seconds to accept. And still, surely, I question, can it be true? Who am I to help heal? Each time now, though, the answer comes to me easily. Who am I to help heal? I am one who is ready and willing. Willing to hold a hand in soul-connection not with answers, but with love. I have learned that confidence does not come from expertise and surface accomplishments. It comes from deep belief, in self, in love, in face, in mind, body, and from soul. I no longer have to be right, or to get it right every time. I just have to stay connected to my own soul (now, I have tools for this)! And I radiate.

The biggest surprise was realizing that all of my earlier deep yearning for success, accomplishments, achievement, and recognition has become soothed with the same aging I used to fear! The passing of time has supported me! As I committed to getting onto a path of calm, of peace, and of joy, my mind quieted. I felt better and better and made more and more impact! Now, I see clearly that my aging has supported my personal growth, wisdom gleaned and gained, to be shared and spread through healing.

The passing of time, with my children grown and gone has allowed me to find my breath, open all of my senses to realize that my success with just one soul--in my coaching, training or in my courses--is more than good enough; it is full and complete. I accomplished and achieved daily what I thought I would never achieve in a lifetime. Offering one human healing through soul-to-soul connecting and their personal soul-connection is an entirely complete experience and achievement, each and every time. Full success in every moment. I no longer fear time passing. I no longer fear aging. My time is here and now. And when my time is over, I will be complete.